On the Shelf

I have been a book reading fool lately! Some I would recommend, others, well, not so much... Here are my reviews in case you're looking for a good book.



I have been fascinated by the Holocaust since I read Eli Weisel's Night when I was a young teen. I will never understand how it happened - how so many people could have participated and/or turned a blind eye. This story portrays the Holocaust through the eyes of a young boy who ended up in a concentration camp so early in life that he scarcely remembers life outside of the camp. Indeed his view of the world, and grown-ups in particular, are formed by what he witnesses in the camps. After being liberated, he really doesn't understand why people are so intent on forgetting. It's a heart-breaking story of love, loss, trust, and learning to see the light again. One of the best books I have read in a very long time!

Pride and Prejudice is my all time favorite book! Probably because I see so much of my husband and myself in Elizabeth and Darcy. My romantic heart just loves that they end up together! This was a mystery involving Elizabeth and some of her dear friends. It was all right, a little far fetched, and certainly lacking the graceful prose that made Jane Austen such an extraordinary talent.

I so did not like this book! I kept waiting for it to get better, but I should have given it up for a bad job after I was disappointed with the first 50 pages. It's a story about a young girl and her family in a prison camp in Indochina during World War II, and the years that followed. It was a bizarre mix of realism, Chinese folk tales and superstitions, and what I can only imagine are hallucinations. Murphy's writing style was certainly unique, but I just ended the book wondering why? Why did someone publish it? And why oh why did I read that dang thing?

My best friend recommended this on her blog, and lo and behold on my next trip to the library there it was sitting on the new arrivals counter. It's a nonfiction thriller about what may have happened to the boy King and the man who finally discovered his tomb. I really liked it (although I may have been bored with it if I had started out knowing more about King Tut and his life).

This was a nice little collection of short stories featuring characters who all embark on some form of journey and come to realize something important about life on the way. There are often times in life when somebody can see something so clearly in your life, that for some reason you just cannot. These were about discovering it for yourself.

I can honestly say I think this is THE most overrated piece of "literature" I have ever read. I was waiting in agony for the two main characters to kill themselves or to be killed. It could not end soon enough for me! I most certainly did not think it was the "greatest love story ever" as the back of the book claimed. I thought it was a little sad and disturbing...

I LOVED this book! It's a beautifully written fable about a boy who embarks on a journey to follow his dream. He struggles with the fear of failure, and listening to his heart. It was insightful and inspiring!

I did not think this was the best written book I have ever read, certainly. And it could have used a little bit better editing. But it was a very powerful story about growing up in a world of violence, and of doing what one must to survive. And what do you do when war is over? How do you ever reconcile what you have seen and done? very moving.

This was a great story about two-sisters born in Ireland who emigrate to the United States after their little sister dies. It's a story of how two people with the same life experiences can see the world and life so incredibly differently. And ultimately it's about forgiveness. A good quick read...

Another Day

Another day has come and gone
we are one day closer
to being together again
to peace
to being whole again

The waiting seems unbearable
the quiet and emptiness
an ache that haunts me

The smell of you is fading
the edge of your parting dulling

I long for you
your closeness
your warmth
the way you close your eyes
when I touch you

Your return is so distant
I fear it will never come
What am I to do until then?

Come back to me...

The Lovely Bones

My heart aches today as I think about my childhood friend Becky. I finished reading this book called The Lovely Bones about a girl who was raped and brutally murdered. It's written from the perspective of the girl in heaven looking down on the aftermath of her death - her killer's cover up, the investigation, and the way her family and friends grieved.

I couldn't help but think of Becky. I pictured her naked body frozen to the ground, the rope marks on her neck. Then her in her coffin in that hideous purple dress (which she would have outright loathed) with the high collar to try and cover the marks, and all the makeup that was a failed attempt to try and hide all her bruises and her broken jaw.

And I again wondered how long she suffered. How much pain and humiliation was she forced to endure before he killed her? Did she know he was going to kill her - that she was going to die? Was she scared or did she think of the family she would never see again?

She was so young and so beautiful. I thought it was such a tragedy that she had died so young, and that so much of her experience on earth had been so bleak and unhappy. It took me years to understand that while it was tragic the way she died, maybe she was better off in heaven. There would be no one there to neglect her, or abuse her, nobody touching her, no one telling her she wasn't good enough.

Even before she was killed, she was already defeated. Maybe it was a blessing she died so young. Maybe God has spared her from so much suffering.

This book made me wonder, is she too looking down from heaven with regret in her heart for all of the unfulfilled dreams and wishes? Watching her family and those of us who loved her and wondering if we remember her, still cherish her?

Do we ever really let tragedies go? They are part of us - they shape the way we think and feel - the pain, the hurt, the self-preservation. Is it all a part of life - a part of becoming whatever we are meant to be? That each lesson learned, each emotion, each relationship formed out of this tragedy become the "lovely bones" that bind us together.

A Bouquet of Freshly Sharpened Pencils...

It's hard to believe that school started last week since it is just the beginning of August and the Georgia summer is still at its peak.

Growing up, school always signaled the start of my favorite season - autumn. And it always started the same way - back to school shopping. Walking through the aisles of pencils and glue, trapper keepers and spiral notebooks, always makes me excited. It reminds me of that line from "You've Got Mail"..."I would send you a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils if only I knew your name and address. Don't you just love New York in the fall?"

Then the days cool off, the leaves start to change into the most beautiful display, maple sugaring starts, and oh apple picking time! Mmm...apple sauce, apple pie, apple crisp, apple cider, apple jam...This is the time of year I miss New England the most.

And so tonight - since it is still 80 degrees out and the air conditioner is cranked, I shall settle for baking my grandmother's knobby apple cake and burning my Harvest Yankee Candle. And then I will remember my favorite spot in Connecticut on the corner of Bogg and Chappell streets - overlooking the valley with the old stones fences, the pond with the geese taking a break on their way south for the winter, the grazing cows, and the foliage on the surrounding hills. And I will imagine that I am home.

5 Things I Love About You

I love:

1. That you would do a job that you don't really like, that brings you no joy and takes you far away from your family, so that you can provide a safe and secure life for your family.

2. That you love me -even if I don't always recognize it in the way you show me, deep down I know how you feel. I am thankful to be secure enough in your love that I can trust it.

3. That sometimes it's enough just to be next to you.

4. That you respect my intellect - that you can appreciate my "inner geek."

5. That you understand me - happy, angry, sad, lonely, whatever. I can always just be me. I don't feel like I ever have to paint on a happy face or pretend with you.

Maine

It's late, the kids are all tucked in bed, my husband's gone, and here I am, once again, completely unable to sleep. Although my body is physically exhausted my brain simply refuses to shut down. After an hour of lying in bed trying to make shapes out of the plaster and the shadows on the ceiling, I have finally given up and turned the light back on.

So here I am, as I so often find myself when my husband is away, suffering from some crazy inability to relax and fall asleep. Why is it that when he is here I sleep so perfectly, even when he is not next to me, yet I am completely unable to fall asleep even when exhausted when he is away?

Anyway, during my pitiful attempt to fall asleep, I was thinking about Maine. My brother is headed up there in a few weeks to visit our other brother and our dad. And I find that I am so jealous! it is such a beautiful place, and now that my relationship with my father is mended and so much time has passed since my childhood (you know what they say - the greatest distance between two points is time), I can think of it so much more fondly.

It is strange to me though, that while some things - the lighthouses and the rocky shore dotted with fishing boats - has remained the same, Maine, like Cape Cod, has changed so much. On the surface are certainly the little things, the Hesper and the Luther Little are gone, the school and the post office have moved, the town is bigger.

But the change runs deeper than that. Surely my generation has grown up, moving away, getting married, having kids, etc. But it's the flavor of the town that I find so different. Even with all the things that are the same, it is hard to recognize the place I once called home.

My brother told me on the phone the other day that he sometimes has a hard time thinking of us as all grown up - that he sometimes imagines us younger. I've thought a lot about it since he called. Maybe it's that we missed so many years together during the divorce. Most brothers and sisters spend their childhood's growing together, their lives on parallel paths, each traveling their own way to their own destination. But with a common starting place and shared experience, you can still arrive at a place of mutual understanding. But our paths carried us all across the country, and it seems we've been carried too far apart.

I find myself wishing I could be back at our shared starting place, with my family, wondering if their is a way to make our paths and our lives intersect.

"New Year" Resolutions

It occurs to me on this second day of school that I should embrace this year and make a few changes in my life. With my littlest one off to school five days a week, I will actually have time built in to my day for me - every single day. So it only seems fitting that I make some "new year" resolutions. Some big, some little...

This school year I resolve to:

1. Write daily - it moves me, inspires me, helps me think things through, and keeps me grounded. I need to make it more of a priority, because it brings me such peace.

2. To strengthen my changing relationships with my oldest two children. They're growing so fast - into an age where they spend more time with their friends, confiding less and less in me. I want to work on maintaining a good relationship with them.

3. To be more organized and habitual in my housekeeping.

4. To scrapbook more.

5. To continue trying to reforge stronger ties with my family - to communicate more and about more important stuff.

6. To continue my education. Perhaps with a degree in Journalism or Culinary Arts.

7. To create a "project" to undertake - like paper recycling at the school.

8. Try and reconnect with or start a book club.

9. To make a life to do list and start doing it.

10. To plan a trip to Italy and go.

11. To eat better.

12. To walk or bie daily - building up to 8 miles per day (New Zealand here I come).

13. Read more.

14. Be more earth friendly. Use recycled products whenever possible, drive less, and use environmentally friendly cleaning supplies. Overall to reduce my footprint.