The Lovely Bones

My heart aches today as I think about my childhood friend Becky. I finished reading this book called The Lovely Bones about a girl who was raped and brutally murdered. It's written from the perspective of the girl in heaven looking down on the aftermath of her death - her killer's cover up, the investigation, and the way her family and friends grieved.

I couldn't help but think of Becky. I pictured her naked body frozen to the ground, the rope marks on her neck. Then her in her coffin in that hideous purple dress (which she would have outright loathed) with the high collar to try and cover the marks, and all the makeup that was a failed attempt to try and hide all her bruises and her broken jaw.

And I again wondered how long she suffered. How much pain and humiliation was she forced to endure before he killed her? Did she know he was going to kill her - that she was going to die? Was she scared or did she think of the family she would never see again?

She was so young and so beautiful. I thought it was such a tragedy that she had died so young, and that so much of her experience on earth had been so bleak and unhappy. It took me years to understand that while it was tragic the way she died, maybe she was better off in heaven. There would be no one there to neglect her, or abuse her, nobody touching her, no one telling her she wasn't good enough.

Even before she was killed, she was already defeated. Maybe it was a blessing she died so young. Maybe God has spared her from so much suffering.

This book made me wonder, is she too looking down from heaven with regret in her heart for all of the unfulfilled dreams and wishes? Watching her family and those of us who loved her and wondering if we remember her, still cherish her?

Do we ever really let tragedies go? They are part of us - they shape the way we think and feel - the pain, the hurt, the self-preservation. Is it all a part of life - a part of becoming whatever we are meant to be? That each lesson learned, each emotion, each relationship formed out of this tragedy become the "lovely bones" that bind us together.