Sometimes as an adult, I feel like I've lost myself - grown into some person I don't even recognize. I am no longer free-spirited or impulsive, daring to be...well, anything. Now I'm just so rigid. I try to tell myself it's just practical - responsible, but I'm really afraid, to be me, to fail.
Sometimes I just close my eyes and remember those times as a little girl when I would dance, spinning in circles until I got dizzy, that feeling of peace in my heart - like for one moment nothing mattered but the wind on my face and the feeling of floating.
Maybe the truth is that I've always really been like this. Somewhere I grew up - too early in so many ways. I lost my faith in everything good - so young when everyone let me down and turned out to be not worthy of my trust. And so I became strong and independent, trusting in only myself.
Then I wanted so desperately not to be uptight that I just made a huge effort to be bold.
So which is it really? That I lost my free-spiritedness when I became better acquainted with the world? Or did I finally settle into my true self?
1 comment:
(((BIG HUGS))) I would have to say that the world changes all of us, in so many ways. I imagine that once you were much like your middle child - free spirited like a water sprite. Somewhere along the way, we grow up and the magic subsides.... it never disappears, but it dwindles. Being aware of that is the first step toward recapturing it.
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