The God of Small Things

I just finished reading this book called The God of Small Things, and I was thinking it over (as I always do). I liked the book, but it wasn't exactly the BEST book I've ever read. It was well written, and I've certainly never read anything like it before. But I think what struck me the most were the characters - they were all incredibly flawed. The author exposed the most vile and ugly parts of human nature, even the parts of ourselves that don't always make sense; jealousy, love, anger...Through it she was able to really draw you into the family dynamics of the people that the story was about, something usually way too complex to develop in the short space of a book.

Anyway, there was a scene where the family had been out at the movies, one they had travelled for two hours to see and were very excited about seeing. The son ended up sick and they had to leave the movie early. The daughter who was angry with the mother for making them leave early, insulted her.

Her mother asked her, "Do you realize what you've just done?"

The daughter knew she had crossed the line and was expecting to be punished, simply replied, "What?"

The mother answered, "When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less."

It is such a simple statement, but it is so true. In the grand scheme of life, in our relationships when we date, and with our friends, and I think to a lesser degree with our families, it holds entirely true. Every failed relationship I've had started to weaken after each argument, until eventually there was nothing left. It was because it is harder to love someone when they hurt you; you begin to close yourself off and protect yourself and grow angry towards the person who hurt you.

I think it holds especially true in a marriage. The divorce rate is so high today, and we see all the time the effect on couples who get married because they are "in love" and then fall apart. I think a large part of it is not understanding what true love really is, that it is much deeper than the "in love" infatuation and desire you feel for someone when you first meet them. But I also think it is because we so often get caught up in our righteous indignation and anger and say things we shouldn't. Even if they are the truth, there are some words better left unspoken. And I think it takes commitment on both sides of a marriage to not say things in anger or to hurt, and when they are to not let them make you see the person as lesser in your eyes.

I also know that is easier said than done. We all hope to have a love that will transcend all, but in the end we are only human. We have all said things that have hurt, and we have all been on the receiving end at one point in time as well. And somewhere in there, our love is never the same. It serves as a daily reminder to be careful what you say, that our words can so often be weapons, and we so often use that weapon to hurt people we love.