Its Christmas day here and I’m so glad the day is over.  My heart was so not in it this year – from start to finish.

Everywhere I went the things that usually fill this season with joy and magic just made me sad.  No amount of music or festive lights, or holiday baking managed to put me on the mood.  I felt like I was painting on a smile, pretending that everything was fine and wonderful, when really it’s anything but fine.

I can’t even stand to look at our Christmas tree because I know that this is the last year that all of the ornaments will be together, and it will be our family tree.  And it breaks my heart.  How do you take all the homemade mangers and angels and divide them? How do you let go without feeling like you’re letting go of the moment your child gave it to you with a look of such pride on his face?

Every time I turned around I was bombarded with yet another picture of a shining happy family at Christmas time.  It just made me SO jealous!  I’m just so tired of being alone on birthdays, and anniversaries, and Christmases…

I know that’s not right, and I don’t really begrudge anyone their happiness.  But sometimes it just feels so unfair… sigh.

I just don't know what my problem is lately and why I can't just snap out of it.

I'm  thinking this might be my new theme song...