The Cure

I’ve been kind of obsessed with this song called “The Cure” by Jordan Sparks lately. It’s this beautiful song about a man who has come out of a terrible relationship, hurt and jaded. The woman, in turn, offers to be his “cure.”

One of my favorite lines is, “So consider this a moment, as defining you are. I can fix what’s broken. And here’s how I’ll start. Just come with your heart. And leave the rest to me. And I promise I will be, I’ll be your cure.”

When I first listened to it, I thought that it was SO incredibly romantic, since my heart bleeds romance (despite what some people think). To think that all the pain and hurt caused by someone can be so easily undone by someone else… that they could completely restore your faith in love, seemed liked such an extraordinary thing.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe this is part of the problem with relationships in general. We have ALL been hurt – lied to, mistreated, used… and yet somehow we have all been led to believe that it’s just that one person, and that somewhere out there lays the person who will undo all that hurt and pain and be our perfect fairytale romantic, movie ending where everyone rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after.

What a load of crap!

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that maybe this is where so many of my problems began. Somewhere along the way I allowed myself to be defined by the relationship I was in, and by that person’s opinion of me. When the relationship ended, even when it wasn’t my fault, especially when it wasn’t my fault, I somehow internalized it and blamed it on myself. As if somehow I was inadequate – wasn’t pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, or heaven forbid skinny enough…

Somehow, I talked myself into believing that the next relationship would be different. I came to believe that if the next man was different, valued me more, or saw me for who I was, or just honored the commitment that he made, that it would somehow undo all the other hurt and pain. That he would be my cure…

And now I don’t know. Have I come to understand that I need to be happy for my own sake, or am I just jaded?

After listening to this song enough times, it suddenly struck me at what an insane notion this is! Why should my happiness be forever tied up in someone else’s? Why should I allow myself worth to be defined by this person? And why the hell should I expect them to be “The cure?”

Isn’t enough for me to be happy because I’m me? To feel my own self worth and not have it hinged on someone else’s opinion of me?